Tuesday, February 10, 2015

And then I went

It's too soon. You're not ready.

It's too late. There's no point now.

It's probably going to rain soon.

It's too cold. Your ears will hurt from the cold and your face will freeze.

You're disgusting. Someone might see you.

People will stare.

Everyone will laugh at you and they'll stand around you in a circle pointing and laughing and you'll be naked like in one of those dreams.

They'll realize how stupid you really are and be confused how they did not see it sooner.

You'll fuck it up. You'll fuck everything up. Even the things nobody thought were possible to fuck up.

They'll see right through you. They'll see that you're nothing but white trash pretending to be something you are not.

No one thinks you're funny.

Maybe you'll hurt yourself.

Maybe you'll get raped (thanks mom).

Maybe you'll forget something important, or you will simply not think of this thing at all and then you will suddenly learn about the thing when it's way overdue en everybody will look at you all incredulous like how is it possible that this grown up person has never heard of this very important thing that requires a million forms that had to be sent out a month ago, and then they'll bludgeon you with sticks.

Maybe you'll cry.

You'll probably cry.

Maybe you'll faint. Maybe you'll puke. Maybe you'll pee yourself.

Maybe all your cartilage will turn to jelly and you'll collapse into a jumbled heap of limbs that's oozing bodily fluids all over everything, and then everybody will hate you for oozing all over the place and ruining their shoes.

Maybe you'll never learn anything ever, and then you'll die.

This obviously isn't a real post. I've been a little too busy conquering Mount Doom the Shire lately. I'll be back soon though, with more of that epic juicy content the search engines love so much :p


  1. For a second there I thought Evil Trillie DID materialize... :/

  2. Well if she was going to insists on keeping me from blogging the least she could do was do a guest post.

  3. Jesus. This is genius and also very disturbing.
    I'm so glad you put Disqus on your blog. I don't like Blogger's comment interface at all.

  4. Thanks :) I love Disqus. I wish every comment system would let you go back and edit out your typos.